About a year ago I published my first Letter to my Grown Up Kids. Common sense, Golden Rules and life lessons get lost amid traffic, stress and working to up your bank balance to cover these new things called bills. Consider this your adult time out; a written reminder to slow it down, take a seat, and reset your emotional clocks.
I can't put the Star Wars or Hello Kitty band aid on grown up problems but I can learn from my mistakes and pass that on to you.
I can't step in and make your life perfect. Life is perfect in its imperfection. It's the little things that throw us off and the big things that we think will derail us forever that, more often than not, end up being the life lessons that make up the good that we become.
So here it is, my latest motherly meddling, with the help of Mother Teresa and Ben Affleck.
Not everyone will like you.
Oh, I know we say we don't care but there's a pretty big part of us that
does care and our vigorous protests are just feel good exercises for ourselves. They may not come right out and say it but you'll notice a subtle jab, a snarky comment on a social networking site or an eye roll that you catch out of the corner of your eye. Move on. We're all human beings with likes and dislikes and there are times you'll make the top ten on another person's list of dislikes. It doesn't do any good to try and figure out what you did or why they feel the way they do. I wish I could add every wasted moment back in to my life that I spent worrying about what someone else thought of me. Just move on...and when they cross your path be sure and give them a smile.
Learn to cook.
If you can put your heart and soul into an Italian chopped salad, whip up a good sauce, master the art of making the perfect steak and learn to roast a bird (or a Tofurkey for your Vegan friends) then I can promise you this-you'll find your kitchen full of family and friends whenever you want. And if you can bake a cake then you're steps ahead of me because, as you know, I'm the Queen of Store Bought Cookies.
Worry is counterproductive.
"Don't worry" is the pinnacle of "easier said than done" statements.
When you can least imagine it, this is the exact time that you need to muster every ounce of positivity. Put pen to paper or fingers to keyboard and make a list of the good in your life. Write until your positives outweigh your negatives. Be grateful for a job; a bed; two legs; silly videos of dancing babies, lip syncing monkeys and skateboarding dogs; and the love of family, friends and God. Keep on writing until you're filled with gratitude. There's no room for bad when you're filled with good.
Hug. A lot.
Human touch solves a multitude of problems.
"No matter how much you change, you've still got to pay the price for the things you've done." Ben Affleck in The Town Guilt has a long memory.
Apologize. Make things right. None of us are perfect. Forgive yourself.
Be happy in the moment.
Set goals and make plans but find your happiness in the day to day and the moment to moment. It really is all about the journey and not the destination and it's something most people don't learn until it's too late. It takes practice but look for the happiness in every moment, in daily rituals and repetition, and in building small successes on your journey to your goal. And when spectacular moments happen don't forget to find a quiet place to sit and give thanks.
Lend a hand.
Don't ever let this big city steal your compassion. Continue to lend a hand when others are rushing by. Suspend judgement. I know you'd drive 2 blocks back to give money to a frail old woman whose entire world is spilling out of a Walgreens' shopping cart. That makes me prouder than any monetary success you will ever have. I know you can't save the world but you can make big changes in your little part of it. Lend a hand to all-the unfortunate, the fortunate, and those who will never know that it was you who lent a hand.
People notice less than you think.
Even adults need to be reminded that word stumbles, unzipped zippers, pimples that pop up before special occasions, fashion flops and spinach in your teeth are nothing more than microscopic boo boos on your blessed lives. We may grow up but an insecure middle school student still lives within us.
No way, no how will you ever get ahead without working your butt off.
You may "luck" into opportunity but the success that feels best
is hard earned. Enough said.
Silence fills you up.
"We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature-trees, flowers, grass-grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence...We need silence to be able to touch souls." I can't improve on Mother Teresa's quote.
Thank you for remembering that your parents are people, too.
My son turned 22 yesterday. At his birthday dinner he and my 19 year old daughter wisely wondered why we never celebrate the moms that did all that hard work in labor and delivery. Smart kids. Lucky parents.
